Shattered Dreams
by Kaisha
Summary: read it. i tell you it's worth it


**Shattered Dreams**   
**by Kaisha******

**[Kaisha_13@yahoo.com][1]**

  
Hello Minna-san! Domo Arigato Gozaimasu! All your comments were appreciated. I know my previous story had some grammatical errors. I tried to fix it. I also added some stuff that would add more substance to this story. There are a few things here that can be confusing… I'll try to explain it at the end. Well, the story is a bit dark, BUT please give it a chance. These characters are not mine. We all know whom they belong to. Well don't forget to e-mail me… I LOVE E-MAIL (Hint! Hint!) … What else? Well on to the story.

@-------8-------- 

Murder. Man insane. Fifty were held hostage, saved by an angel. The angel died. Shot as she saves her cousin. As I read the today's newspaper those word kept on running through my head. My world had ended; I am in too much pain. One mans anger with the world; its pleas and cries on the evil and unjust truth of life cost us its innocence. Whose innocence? A Childs... Her loving parents shall never feel her in their arms again. No sunny smile and careless abandon will greet them everyday and would inspire them to do greater things. It's because of this man our great sacrifices were for nothing. We have nothing now except shattered dreams.

The ringing of the phone returns me to reality. "Chiba" I answered. On the line was Rei. "Damn it Mamuro!" She said, "Where were you? She needs you. I understand your pain, but remember your not the only one who lost her, who is in pain. Think of the others. Think of Usagi."

"Yes, Usagi!" I whispered. Usagi, my ray of sunlight, my beating heart. "How is she?" I ask." Bad, get to my place a soon as you can." Rei said, dropping the phone. Hearing this I got my car keys and rushed to the temple.

@-------8--------

When I got to the temple everyone was there, well almost everyone. SHE wasn't. My daughter, Chibiusa wasn't there. This thought brought tears to my eyes again. Then, I saw her, my fiancée, my destiny, my life... She was lying down on the Rei's bed, crying. I thought those uncontrollable sobs would tear her apart. With aching need I held her tight, afraid she'll break her heart, whispering comforting lies like things will be all right. "Things will never be all right." I don't know how long we sat there, she in my lap, her head on my shoulder our eyes closed as we remembered our child. The way she dropped in to our lives and made sure that she stole our hearts from her. Now our princess was gone.

I opened my eyes to face the senshis, but more over my friends. I realized they were in the same condition that Usagi and I was in. Their red eyes, tousled hair and haggard looks made them look like they were going to collapse. After a while, Haruka approached me with her talisman. She gave it to me and said, "Kill me. I failed my duty to protect her, to protect them. I deserve death." With those words she knelt in front of me, her head bowed. I lifted the sword and closed my eyes, wishing that I could plunge it into Haruka's neck with all my strength. I wanted to kill every one of them, deserving or not. They failed to protect her. But instead, I slowly lowered it, because I was also to be blamed. I failed too. I was too busy, too far away. I was In America actually, on a business trip. When I felt the danger, I took the first plane out of there, but it was too late. I was always too late. Holding the hilt of the sword I placed it by my heart my two hands covering it. I couldn't stand it, the guilt, the pain. I dropped the talisman and looked at Usagi. She was shivering, not from the cold. I picked her up and left bringing Usagi home. She has been living with me since she turned eighteen, 2 years ago.

@-------8--------  
**ONE WEEK LATER**

"Papa! I kept on praying you'll come, but you never came." Her voice echoed through my head. I was drinking coffee in the kitchen. It was eight in the morning time to go to Chibiusa's funeral. I looked outside my apartment window. It was still raining. Ever since that night I told the carried Usagi home, it hasn't stop raining. Maybe the rain is weeping with us. Well it's time to wake up Usagi. "Usako! Usako! Wake up" I said as I peeped in my bedroom. Ever since the accident, she's been having the same recurring nightmare. She finds solace sleeping in my arms yet she refuses to share her dreams with me. It couldn't be as bad as my dreams. Usagi was lying in the bed with the blankets around her, she looked at me, her eyes empty as she said, "I can't yet!" Sitting up she screamed, "I AM NOT READY!" Funny thing though, no tears fell. "It's okay" I whispered, hugging her we'll visit when you're ready."

"We?" she asked. "I'll never leave you alone" I promised, then looking at her frail body I said,. "Sleep, you're tired." I tucked the blanket in and kissed her forehead.

@-------8---------   
_By the bay were Usagi loved to go andthink, where Mamuro proposed to Usagi, where their future was shinning the brightestwas a little epitaph. Written on it were these words._

**_Chibi- Usagi Tsukino (Chiba) _**_  
A small child, a great heart  
Took big risks and achieved greatness  
We will always miss her_

______________________

_Destiny is not a matter of chance  
It is not a matter of choice  
It is a thing to be waited  
A thing to be achieve___

_Listen, in the background. Behind the splashing of the waves or the cry of the seagull is a tune that was made only for her. It was played for her once, and it is played for her again, as the sunsets. Who plays it? A masked man in a tuxedo suit with tears falling from his eyes._

@-------8---------

"Usako I'm home. Where are you?" I ask as I entered our apartment. It was pitch black and I thought Usagi was a sleep in our room. So I slowly opened the lights and put my things down. I just came from the grave of Chibiusa, saying farewell in my own way. Where's Usagi? It was time to wake her up. To wake her up from the horror that she faces to return to life! To return to me! She slept the whole day away. I went to the room that we share intending to change my clothes. There was no one there. I opened the cabinet Usagi and I shared. It was empty. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed as I fell to my knees I just lost my daughter, I am not going to lose my wife. She was my wife, even if were not married. Where was she? I could feel the panic rise in my heart. Then, on the desk I saw her necklace, the symbol of our love. It was there with a letter. I slowly reached for the letter and read it. 

Mamuro, My love, I can't stay. I need to find myself in this emptiness I feel. Don't look for me. I need time, space, to feel, to think and to live knowing, accepting the truth. To rise above this shattered dream. Truth is there is no one else to blame, Just me and only me. I don't want to love anymore because of the pain, but I love you my husband. I could never stop. I can't accept loosing you too. I love you, Usako 

All I could do was stare at the letter in horror as my life was slowly being taken away from me, piece by piece and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

@-------8-----

It's been three years since the death of Chibiusa, three years since I saw my Usako, three years in a nightmare. I tried my best to live; trying to make things seem normal, but nothing was normal. I still work in the same company, but now stationed somewhere else in Japan, actually in Osaka. I'm doing well; they made me a CEO. I guess work became the substitute for my family. It surely paid off, because most of the time, I would forget what had happened. But why do I come back? I asked myself as I walked to the tombstone of my beloved. I came back one last to say goodbye. Goodbye forever. I am done with my life. It holds no more meaning for me.

Who am I kidding? I come here year after year for the same reasons, to see her. To know if she found her light through the mist that seemed to surround her, to see if she can stop living her life alone and join mine. "What wishful thinking on this cloudy day. " I quietly said, out loud.

When I arrived at the burial mound I saw that there were some people just here. They left a dozen white roses and a single pink rose. I lifted the solitary rose to my lips. I could taste the salty water that tears could only leave. Who would leave that particular rose? The person who knew the meaning of the pink rose perhaps? Through the rough couple of years I never really lost contact with the senshi's. Every time I would visit Chibiusa's grave I see their gifts and little tokens of friendship that they leave behind. Rei would always leave a ward against evil, Ami a poem, Makoto some food and Minako a dozen white roses. The outer senshi's disappeared, but once and a while I see a black rose which could only come from Haruka and a violin piece that came from Michiru, but never a single pink rose. The rose that meant so many things, but to me it reminded me of my vow of eternal love. When I first proposed to Usagi, she though it would be romantic if me would write their own wedding vows. Of course, I agreed to make her happy agreed. I spent weeks agonizing over what to say, and then it came to me like a bolt of lightning. It was everything I wanted to tell her, everything I felt and still feel for her.

_My love, on this day my dreams have come. Seeing you and all those here I am sure of our future. Here before the world I give you these three roses. White, red and pink. White, because it symbolizes our love. It is clear, blinding even in the darkest night, unbreakable and as pure as its color. Red, because we are finally one in mind, soul and body. And pink, because we'll be together, forever, even beyond forever. Usako, my wife, I love you._

I never did say those words, but I think somewhere in the night when My love and I needed comfort I whispered those words, those words to Usagi. USAGI! My head shot up and looked for her. Then as if she senses my probing look she stepped out from the shadows.

I held my breath, standing before me was my Usagi. Dressed in blue jeans and a simple top, she beautiful like a model on vacation. Hell, she could wear rags and cut her hair she'd still look beautiful to me. I just stood there and stared at her. And stared. I swear I could hear the sounds of the waves and singing birds, I saw the sun go down and the clouds grow dark, but I couldn't move. For some reason the switch of my brain went to meltdown and every part of me refused to listen to my commands. Taking pity on me Usagi approached and hugged me tightly. She then slowly whispered into my ear, "Mamo-chan."

"Usagi!" I sputtered out. My hands tightened around her delicate waist. I never wanted to let her go, but she quickly froze and became very tense. "Umm… Mamuro????" Usagi said as she poked my ribs. "Mamuro, I can't breathe."

"Sorry!" I said sheepishly. I held her hand tight and told her to tell me everything.

Together we both sat on the pier, staring at the rising moon. The wind that was blowing through our hair whispered a hundred unanswered questions. She told me that she moved to Kyoto. She told me she was now in the advertising firm there. She told me everything superficial what had happened in her life the last 3 years. She didn't tell me, her aches and pains, her triumphs and defeats. It's not like her. Still holding her hand against my cheek to reassure, I said nothing. I was too afraid to say anything, afraid of the answers, afraid of the accusations. Then, knowing this was the only way I could protect my future, us I gathered all my courage and turned to her, my love, my only hope and asked, "Why?" She looked at me with her eyes wide open and opened her mouth, but no words seemed to come out.

"Why? Why did you leave 3 years ago, Usagi? Didn't you trust me?" I asked again, my voice rising in anger and maybe something else like hate. I looked at her for a long time waiting for an answer. She smiled and said completely dismissing the question, "come on Mamuro, I'll buy you coffee, then you can show me what's new here in Tokyo." She stood up and was about to leave. How dare she, I thought. I grabbed her hand and pulled her down. "NO! Can't you get it, we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about!" She quickly answered back. She was about to stand again, when I tightened my grip on her wrist. "Ouch you're hurting me." She cried out. Oh, I wanted to say that she was hurting me more, that she was slowly crushing my heart. Instead I said, "You're not going any where till we talk." Then all of a sudden it started to rain, hard. I didn't care all I wanted was an answer.

"Why?" I asked again. 

"It's raining!" She said, stating the obvious.

"Damn you, don't change the subject!"

Her head fell in defeat. She closed her eyes, but still didn't answer. "Why? Was it because you didn't trust me with your life? That I would fail you too? What happened to you? You're so cold. I don't know what you've become." 

"No…" she whispered loud enough for me to hear. I grabbed a letter from my pocket and screamed at her, "Did you forget that? How quickly you forget your promises." She unrolled the paper that has obviously been refolded many times before, for the paper was very fragile. She opened it to see her letter. Her last letter to me, her goodbye letter, as I like to put it, the last pieces of her heart, the heart, which was nothing, now except ice. "You're so selfish. When you left did you even think of me?! How about your friends? Do you know what they went through when you disappeared? What I went through. When you left you took away my right, yes damn it! My right to comfort my wife, my right to make you smile, laugh, to feel your pain, my right to live for you, for my family instead of this hollow thing I do called work. I want to know what happened that day!" I finally ended my tirade, though I could have gone on forever. I couldn't believe I said that. I didn't know how resentful I felt, but I'm glad I let it out, even if it hurt her, it was needed. Needed by whom? I brushed the rain from my eyes. I was drenched. I looked at Usagi. The ink of the letter was washing out, but I wasn't sure if it was the rain or those uncontrollable sobs that were escaping her body that was causing it. She was shivering, badly. "I'm sorry!" I cried out instantly regretting my harsh words. Then, I picked her up, carrying her to the car. She whispered in my ear, "Thank you I needed that more than I thought." I kissed her forehead and brought her to the hotel I was staying.

@----------8------------

Around midnight, I woke up and I immediately noticed that the pillow beside mine was empty. I sat up thinking that Usagi left me that she had gone back to her life of solitude. "Did I wake you?" someone asked from behind, startling me. I turned around to see that it was Usagi. She was at the door of the suite, with a coffee mug in her hand. "Want some room service?" She asked again. I shook my head saying no. She was wrapped in the hotel's bathrobe, her face scrubbed clean, she looked relaxed and at peace. Usagi turned around and walked out the bedroom door. Then she stopped and asked in a low voice, "Mamuro?"

"Yes?"

"I'm ready now, if you want we can talk"

I looked at this lady I loved with all my heart. I know I should be the gentleman and say no; instead I followed her outside and sat across her in the couch. Finally we'll be able to finish it. We sat there in silence. I looked at her and saw her wringing her hands. I couldn't stand the pain that I knew I had caused her. So, I took hold of both of her hands and looked at her and said, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

"No!" She cried out, "I have to for your sake as well as mine."

I gathered her in my arms and said, "I'll always be there. No matter what!"

"Promise?" She whispered back. "Promise" I said my heart full of conviction.

Usagi and I sat for hours talking about her life, about Chibiusa our beautiful princess, about the horror of seeing her die. Now it's over and Usagi's asleep on the bed. I'm here in the shadows staring at the sinister night, shaking. My body was aching in pain just thinking of what my child went through. Oh, how she suffered. How Usagi suffered. I would never have thought that her guilt would rival mine. The many months that I struggled to lift my head above the rising water to survive was nothing compared to hers? And Now I'm drowning in sorrow. How can I say that she needs only to trust me and everything will be okay, when I can't even save myself? I looked at my arms, my large arms and hands that were suppose to protect life, to cherish life and hold the most beautiful things together. Instead it created widespread destruction and pain. I am a failure! I just have to accept fate. I put my hands to my eyes and for the first time in a long time, I cried.

I don't know how long I cried, it could have been minutes, even hours, everything else was forgotten. I cried for so many things. Anger, hate, fear, loneliness and even love, I cried for lost love and destroyed innocence. Whose innocence? Chibiusa's. Usako's. Mine. Then, all I could remember was, a seeping warmth flowing into my skin. The warmth that spread all over was rescuing me from the freezing chill that was trapping in my heart. My own knight in shinning armor, except this knight was the princess. It was a backward fairy tale, just like a dream. Maybe, If I wished hard enough it will come true. Then as if the world was coming back into focus I heard her whisper to me the words I have been waiting an eternity to hear. "My love, leaving you was the worse thing I did. Instead of healing our tortured souls, we learned to accept the pain, to hide beneath our masks, but no more. From this day on we shall live life, to strive and dream of a better tomorrow, to hold each other's hand every step of the way. It will be hard and I'm so scared, but I know with you, anything is possible. I know together, we will rescue our lost innocence. We will rise above our shattered dream and conquer our silent deaths. Forever!" I hugged and hugged her tight, believing in her and her promise of dreams fulfilled. She didn't know this, but she was always my quiet light of innocence in all the noise and madness.

@-----8----

MANY YEARS LATER

"Usako, are you here?" I said out loud at the door of the entrance of the garden. The inner garden was a very private place. It's only opened to my wife, I and of course, everyone who we considered family. 

After the miraculous event on the day, Usagi saved my soul. She and I started building crystal Tokyo. It took us many, many years, in between the years of turmoil and destruction. My wife and I devoted our lives to the creation of Crystal Tokyo, but in the middle of all our preparation, sleepless nights and hectic schedules, Usagi and I got married. It was small, quiet ceremony and of course the sailor senshi's were invited. It was good to be together again. Usagi and I agreed instead of saying the same vows we already said a million times, we will say what's in our heart. I also promised her that it would be spontaneous.

The most crucial part of the wedding where Usako would finally be legally bound to me for all eternity, I couldn't seem to find the words to tell her how I felt. Then I remembered an old Celtic wedding rite and said to her. "Heart of my heart!" She looked at me and said, "Heart of my heart."

"Soul of my soul."

"Soul of my soul." She repeated. Then as if the words were whispered in her ear, she took both of my hands and finished the words with me. "Bound in life as well as death. Together, forever!"

"Promise?" She asked.

"Promise!" I pledged and kissed her.

Everyone clapped. That was the happiest day of my life. And now, 40 thousand years later, I've never forgotten my vow and I'm still in love with her as I ever was before.

@-----8----  
"Honey! I'm here!" The voice came from behind me, startling me out of my happy thoughts. I turned around to see the love of my life and in her arms was my little angel. The morning light surrounded them both. My 2 little darlings, they both looked ethereal. I approached both of them, Usagi kissed my cheeks and Chibi-usa reached out to play with the stray of my hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Usagi. She smiled at me and faced the small pavilion, which we commissioned to always remind us about what has happened to Chibiusa. The life that we live was constantly dedicated to our daughter's courage and love. The same pain that always filled me was now gone. I forgot that I once faced hell in a battle for my soul and came out the victor, because I'm still alive. I looked at my sunshine. She died to protect my future. She's tearing me apart. What happened challenges everything I am and will be. She challenged my love and my future, but I survived. I look at my wife and child deeply. They were here, now in front of me. Breathing, enjoying and most of all living. I pushed all these crazy jumbled thoughts out of my head. I joined MY little family and watched the sun's rising. Holding Usagi's arm and carrying Chibiusa on my shoulder. I thought, "Life is good."

_________________________________________________________________________

That's it!!!!!!! So, how was it? Liked it? Hate it? Is it worth the ink that it's written on??? Anyways as I said at the top I have to explain some stuff. Okay, to explain how Chibiusa died. Look at first paragraph of the story. Okay… She was murdered. The angel refers to Chibiusa. The term cousin refers to Usagi. (You got to watch the episodes to under stand this…) Put it together. AAAHHH… Get's? If not e-mail me. Well, COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! PLEASE!!!!!! If you like this I have another story about Misao and Aoshi from the Anime Rurouni Kenshin. It's another dark fic. ENJOY!!!!!! Please comment!

# Hoshii ga ochita soshite ga chi no ame hajimatte.

   [1]: mailto:Kaisha_13@yahoo.com



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